Relationships change as children turn into teens and your parenting style changes. As kids mature into young adults, they need different things from caregivers, allowing them to develop their adulting skills. You’re the one to give it to them, even if they say, “But, Mom, you don’t know anything…”
Effective Communication: Listen, Talk, and Connect
Believe it or not, adolescents look up to their parents for guidance and mentorship as they get older. You must continue to be their teacher to emphasize the importance of communication. Be smart about it. Chances are, if you lecture, impart a life lesson or give an order, they will not listen.
Try this: spend time with them and ask their opinion. Watch a movie together that they pick. Go to dinner at a restaurant they like. Play a video game together.
Praise them; nagging creates distance. If you use praise, appreciation, and recognition, they might notice that you don’t judge their choices and value their opinions. They may even open up to you.
Conflict Management Skills
During the teen years, clashes happen. Conflict is normal in human relationships, but knowing how to deal with them effectively is essential to a healthy home, and equips your teen for their future as a productive and strong adult.
Try this: use “I” instead of “You.” Using “I” statements is less contentious, while using “You” feels like blame. Teach them to do the same with their peers.
Admit mistakes. We are all human, and we all make mistakes. When you admit you are wrong or overreacted, an apology can go a long way to making things right. “I’m sorry” can diffuse an escalating situation and teach your teen how to take responsibility.
Write it down. When teens can vent their emotions on paper (or elsewhere), it helps lessen stress. Journaling has been proven therapeutic for teenagers. There are now journaling apps as well as incredible mental health apps specifically designed for teens to help reduce stress and anxiety.
Don’t Be Afraid of Hard Conversations
Navigating the nuances of new relationships, discussing taboo topics and managing social issues during the teen years can be challenging. Things can be even more complicated because you don’t know how much they are sharing, how much they are keeping secret and whether they are safe.
A healthy relationship for adults is the same for teens: respect, trust, communication, mutual understanding and support.
Try this: let teens lead; our real value comes when we listen rather than instruct.
Set boundaries and expectations. If they break curfew, don’t make a huge deal about it. Tell them to call or text if they will be late. Make an agreement that they can always contact you in any situation that they are uncomfortable with, and you will pick them up, no questions asked. Shelve the conversation until the following day.
Be supportive. They must always know they can count on you for help when needed. Try not to judge, and respect their individuality and that of their friends.
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