In recent years, life has been fraught with world events, political upheaval, climate change and pandemics. Even in the best of times, personal changes like parents getting new jobs, moving to a new home, fights with friends or difficulty at school can be challenging for families with children.
Whatever your situation, if you’re wondering how best to help your kids when things get tough, we’ve put together some solid advice from experts on how to help children handle the hard times.
Help Your Kids Feel Heard
When children come to you with worries or troubles, the most important thing you can do is listen.
People of all ages often feel that when trying to talk to someone about their problems, they want someone who will listen to them without judgment or even advice. Kids are often just looking for reassurance that you love them and are there for them rather than for solutions to a problem.
Active listening, replying to let them know you’re listening and keeping the conversation going but not offering your opinion or advice, can give kids the space they need to work through difficult emotions or find their own solutions. Younger children may need more guidance, but it’s best to wait for them to say everything they have to say and tell you everything they’re thinking and feeling before you propose courses of action.
When kids feel heard without judgment, they will learn to trust you, open up to you more often and gain confidence knowing that you’ll have their back, come what may.
Provide Reassurance and Keep Calm
Use reassuring language and remain calm. Let them know you’ll always be there for them and that they can come to you with anything. Criticism will add to their stress and erode trust, so avoid it.
Depending on what they share, you may have a reasonable emotional reaction, but do your best to control yourself in the moment, even if you need to vent to another adult later or process things on your own time.
Kids may withhold information because they don’t want to upset you, so do your best to maintain your composure and let them know that, even when their problems make you worry, you feel better when they share with you because then you can help.
Children and teens thrive on parental attention. Celebrate their good news, reassure them about bad news and always let them know how happy you are when they share with you.
Discipline Wisely and Demonstrate Healthy Ways to Cope
Use discipline wisely and sparingly. Willful misbehavior does require boundary setting and enforcement, but if children feel that they get in trouble every time they tell you about a problem, they are more likely to hide their problems from you than share them with you.
You should also demonstrate your own healthy coping mechanisms. Explain when you’re taking time to calm down and process your difficulties. Tell them how you maintained calm during an upsetting event and discuss the stress management benefits of things like exercise or leisure activities you use to unwind.
Everybody needs help sometimes, so show your children you are willing to ask for help when needed.
Make Sure to Care for Yourself, Too
Finally, remember that nobody is perfect, and kids don’t need perfect parents. They need parents they can trust, with whom they feel comfortable sharing joy, misery and everything in between, and who demonstrate love for them.
Spend “quality time” with your kids doing things they enjoy. Remember to take time for yourself as well; nobody can pour from an empty cup, so practice self-care and make space for your own mental health needs.
It’s okay to discuss some of your troubles with your kids, but some burdens are too heavy for them, and adults need other adults to listen to them supportively, whether that’s a close friend, a family member, or a therapist. In short, take care of yourself so you can care for them!
For more on coping with change, both positive and negative, consider these other blogs:
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